Student writing: Writing to Describe by Jack Year 8

A storm raged outside ; there was no one at the beach and nothing in sight from the window of the old wooden cottage. The waves rose up like warriors and slammed down against the shore. The rain marched across the roof and smashed on the dirty windows. The wind whipped at the defenseless cottage. The stairs held strong against the terrorizing storm.

 

Notes: Jack spent some of the summer in a lakeside cottage in Michigan USA, and he has been reading Mortal Engines by Philip Reeve. We generated a plan for his writing using the 9 Box method, rather than the confusing and all but useless spider diagram, and as he wrote we looked at the opening sentence of his reading book and discussed how it sounded and how it worked:

It was a dark, blustery afternoon in spring, and the city of London was chasing a small mining town across the dried-out bed of the old North Sea.”

We also took a quick peek at Patrolling Barnegat by Walt Whitman.

Suspense and tension can be generated by creating problems for the reader to solve and by building up effects such as metaphor.  Jack’s opening paragraph achieves everything he set out to do.

Advertisements

About @moodybill

Trainee everything but practising teaching, photography, writing and drumming the hardest!
This entry was posted in Children, English, Tutoring and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s